A blog intensifying the flavor of life and toasting those who share in the feast, rather than settling for a dry, plain, melba toast existence.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

a night off

I am often asked, "What will you do when the boys leave home?" as though my very existence is dependent upon their every need and my life is lived vicariously through them. I try to make a veiled attempt to come up with appropriate answers. But when it gets right down to it, unlike others who seem to resist being by themselves and fill the hours with various sound and activity, I actually enjoy being alone.

With Joel out of town for a soccer tournament as a guest player with his friend's team; Ariel with his girlfriend for most of the evening; Gabriel enjoying his life at college; and Lee in Raleigh in preparation for an early morning marathon; I had an opportunity to spend the night in any way I saw fit.

Knowing this was going to happen in advance, I could have arranged a girl's night out and took in a movie or had gone out to eat. I could have even gone out by myself as I used to do many years ago. When one takes a book to dinner, she does not dine alone.

I then considered watching movies at home--the chick flicks that I can sometimes persuade one of the boys to watch with me when it is just the two of us, though they usually will not permit me to watch them when I am in their presence. Seeing their mother cry is not on their list of favorite things to do.

But I had a refrigerator of leftovers clamoring to be combined, so I made a big pot of soup. I turned on Prairie Home Companion as they were talking about their upcoming 40th anniversary and realized I have been listening to that program for about 30 of those years. Not exactly a social butterfly, I used to spend my Saturday nights in my tiny apartment in the Capitol Hill neighborhood in Denver making dinner or baking cookies and listening to the radio show. I would then eat while listening to the news from Lake Wobegon, and though I did have friends who would try to lure me away from my solitary life, I often preferred staying home and being told stories that reminded me so much of my childhood, but in a better, funnier way. Besides, laughter is good for the soul whether one is spending the evening with Garrison Keillor or with others.

Once the soup was made and the next radio program came on, I briefly entertain the thought of taking in that movie. Maybe I can have a good cry since I am alone and no one would be the wiser. Maybe I should finish that book I am not really enjoying but am trudging through since I do not like to leave a book unread. Better yet, I could read something that will speak to my soul. I then consider a musical accompaniment. We so often have either the television, stereo or something on the computer providing some sort of background music to live our lives by. But the lovers of such things were all out of the house, leaving me who prefers silence!

Taking the dog out into the night, I suddenly wished I were at the beach, sitting in my portable chair and looking up at the stars. With no schedule for days, I would feel the sea breeze as my mind wandered out beyond the confines of daily living into the arms of an awaiting universe. The wind, stars, Spirit of the living God would all be singing their gentle songs to me, beckoning me to find rest. The best part about being alone is that I never really am.


No comments:

Post a Comment