Pat Schneider, author of Writing Alone and with Others, makes the following assertion,
"The old saw 'forgive and forget' has it exactly backward. It should be 'remember and forgive.' Remember fully, in detail--perhaps many times. Feel all the stages of grief, denial, anger, resignation, acceptance. Perhaps then forgiveness will come up when you least expect it, in the middle of a piece of writing, like a flower out of the muck."
This is life-changing.
No matter what I do, my writing is autobiographical. Try as I might to hide it, the truth of what I really feel comes out eventually.
Forgiving and forgetting has never been possible for me since my memory for detail is quite keen. There are scenarios permanently etched into my mind that cannot be erased. What I cannot fully remember haunts me. As a writer, I have been at a loss as to what to do about these troubling tales. I've had opportunities to tell-all but have chosen to only write what is noble and good with an absence of malice. And yet I have wanted to create characters that may have experienced some of the things I have been through but have been intimidated by the amount of emotion that is still attached to so many of these past events. How does one write a story if she loses her ability to tell it because of how overwhelming it becomes to manage?
The idea of remembering and writing about it seems to make more sense to me than anything I've heard in a counselor's office in a long time. Remember the scene, the people involved, the way I felt, the actions taken and words spoken, and then after it is all there in living color . . . let it go, allowing forgiveness to wash over it like the tide coming in. This is what I've been longing to do. Maybe by sharing this wisdom I could help guide someone else on a path of healing.
I know about the stages of grief and have been through them. Denial can last a very long time, as can anger. Schneider doesn't mention bargaining but that is an important stage as we think we can somehow change what has happened. She calls the next step resignation but it has always been referred to me as depression which is far worse than just giving up. It is a seething just under the surface that masks itself as something far less threatening. But when left unattended can lead one down a road of self-destruction.
Acceptance happens when there is no more game-playing. It is over and done and it is time to move on. The grip of pain that once held us captive is loosened and we are free.
When it comes to writing, there exists as much honesty as the writer will allow. It can be a carefully choreographed dance written for purely entertainment purposes, or something that will pierce the heart of the reader with a resounding truth that must be told. Writers are notorious liars, however, and that truth can only come forth if there is an acceptance within that person--a come-what-may attitude that will enable something real to be shared. The risk of the telling outweighs the need to keep it a secret.
I want to remember and forgive.
"The old saw 'forgive and forget' has it exactly backward. It should be 'remember and forgive.' Remember fully, in detail--perhaps many times. Feel all the stages of grief, denial, anger, resignation, acceptance. Perhaps then forgiveness will come up when you least expect it, in the middle of a piece of writing, like a flower out of the muck."
This is life-changing.
No matter what I do, my writing is autobiographical. Try as I might to hide it, the truth of what I really feel comes out eventually.
Forgiving and forgetting has never been possible for me since my memory for detail is quite keen. There are scenarios permanently etched into my mind that cannot be erased. What I cannot fully remember haunts me. As a writer, I have been at a loss as to what to do about these troubling tales. I've had opportunities to tell-all but have chosen to only write what is noble and good with an absence of malice. And yet I have wanted to create characters that may have experienced some of the things I have been through but have been intimidated by the amount of emotion that is still attached to so many of these past events. How does one write a story if she loses her ability to tell it because of how overwhelming it becomes to manage?
The idea of remembering and writing about it seems to make more sense to me than anything I've heard in a counselor's office in a long time. Remember the scene, the people involved, the way I felt, the actions taken and words spoken, and then after it is all there in living color . . . let it go, allowing forgiveness to wash over it like the tide coming in. This is what I've been longing to do. Maybe by sharing this wisdom I could help guide someone else on a path of healing.
I know about the stages of grief and have been through them. Denial can last a very long time, as can anger. Schneider doesn't mention bargaining but that is an important stage as we think we can somehow change what has happened. She calls the next step resignation but it has always been referred to me as depression which is far worse than just giving up. It is a seething just under the surface that masks itself as something far less threatening. But when left unattended can lead one down a road of self-destruction.
Acceptance happens when there is no more game-playing. It is over and done and it is time to move on. The grip of pain that once held us captive is loosened and we are free.
When it comes to writing, there exists as much honesty as the writer will allow. It can be a carefully choreographed dance written for purely entertainment purposes, or something that will pierce the heart of the reader with a resounding truth that must be told. Writers are notorious liars, however, and that truth can only come forth if there is an acceptance within that person--a come-what-may attitude that will enable something real to be shared. The risk of the telling outweighs the need to keep it a secret.
I want to remember and forgive.
No comments:
Post a Comment